Lotus

There are things you do not know about me

I wasn’t always like this

I was always afraid 

Frightened of what the world would think about the things I had to say

If you had a conversation with my younger self she wouldn’t have been able to look you in the eye

Her head would be bowed down

Her fingers intertwined in a foreign dance

And her voice low

You’d want to raise her chin up and get her to look at you, but she’d flinch, scared of what your eyes may do.

But now, my reality has changed

The sins of the people around me, made me want to be better

 

There are things you don’t know about me

Like the fact that I felt like no one understood me

Or how home was only so when I was gone

If you were sitting next to my former self, you would not have seen the shakes or heard the screams

My pain would simmer underneath your glance

Back then, I lived in my head, I would only have come to you for air

 

When I look back, I can only remember how heavy my thoughts were

I can see the old me, drowning in the failures of what might have been 

I wished I’d shared my thoughts more often 

Maybe then, more people would have understood me

I wished she’d let the feelings evaporate

Maybe the regrets would have been on a minimum scale

 

There are things you would have never known about me

Like the sessions I attended to ease my ache

Or the fact that my heart was out there searching for something to free her from insanity.

And after years of thinking she’d find peace in the lips of the adonis 

She found it deep in the arms of the Almighty

And just like that, from being stuck in the mud, She broke free

It is with grace and heart 

That I am no longer who I was 

Now, I am like the Lotus

I am more.

 

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(Poem by Martins and Omi)

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